How to Write an Obituary: A Step-by-Step Guide

Overview

To write an obituary, gather and verify the person’s identifying facts, life milestones, family relationships, and service details, then draft in a standard order: death announcement, life story, surviving and predeceased family, service information, and an optional closing such as a donation request. Personalize the life story with specific memories, adapt the length to your publication channel, and verify every fact before submitting.

A successful obituary does three jobs at once. It announces the death accurately, it gives readers a recognizable picture of who the person was, and it tells people how they can attend a service or honor the person’s memory. The New Hampshire Funeral Directors Association describes the difference this way: a death notice lists essentials such as the name, age, date of death, and funeral arrangements, while an obituary expands those facts into a fuller picture of the person’s life, character, and achievements.

The rest of this guide walks through that work as a seven-step process:

1. Gather and classify the information.
2. Draft the opening announcement and set the section order.
3. Write the life story around specific details.
4. Add family, service, and closing information.
5. Build a first draft with the template and example.
6. Adapt the draft to its publication channel.
7. Review, verify, and submit.

Each step names what you need going in and what should exist when the step is done, so you can stop and restart without losing your place. That matters because most people write an obituary under time pressure, often within a day or two of a death.

Before You Start: Know What an Obituary Needs to Do

An obituary sits between two related forms, and knowing the boundaries keeps the writing task manageable. A death notice is the shortest form. According to the New Hampshire Funeral Directors Association, a death notice is brief and factual, listing essential details like the name, age, date of death, and funeral arrangements. An obituary includes those same facts but expands on them to show the person’s life, character, and achievements. A eulogy is the longest form. As Bronx Funeral Home explains, an obituary is much shorter than a eulogy and is usually published online or in a newspaper, where it announces the death, highlights the most important life events, and provides details of the funeral or memorial service.

This distinction sets your scope. You are not writing a speech, and you are not limited to a bare listing. You are writing a short published account that must be accurate enough to serve as a record and specific enough to sound like the person it describes.

It also sets two practical boundaries. First, everything in the obituary becomes public, so the family, not the form, decides what gets disclosed. Cause of death, for example, is a choice, not a requirement. Second, the obituary must work for a stranger. Obituary writer Linda Crowther, interviewed at Literary Hub, frames it as making sure an old friend who finds the obituary online or in a newspaper can recognize whose it is and get the basic information about the death. If your draft does both, identifies the person clearly and represents them honestly, it is doing its job.

Step 1: Gather and Classify the Information

Before writing a sentence, build a fact sheet. The input for this step is everything you and other family members know or can verify; the output is a single organized list where anything uncertain, private, or not yet approved is clearly marked instead of guessed. Devlin Funeral Home describes gathering essential facts as the first step: full name, age, date of birth, date of death, and location of death. Once those are secured, collect key milestones such as education, professional background, military service, awards, and personal achievements, which give the life story structure and context.

Not every item carries the same weight, so classify as you gather. Treat the categories below as a working sort, not a universal rule:

• Foundational (the obituary fails without these): full legal name, including a maiden name or widely used nickname where applicable; age; date of death; and the announcement itself. The Literary Hub interview lists full name with nicknames, death details, age, places lived, and occupation among the items you really cannot miss.
• Recommended (these make it an obituary rather than a notice): birth date and birthplace, education, work history, military service, immediate family relationships, and the public service or memorial information families intend to share.
• Optional (family decisions, not requirements): cause of death, exact place of death, hobbies and interests, causes and charities supported, extended relatives, religious language, quotes, photos, and a memorial-donation request.

Alongside the facts, gather the material that will make the life story personal. A short prewriting interview with family and friends works well. Useful prompts include: What three adjectives describe the person, and what specific story proves each one? What daily routine, saying, or habit would friends instantly recognize? What was the person proudest of? What did they love doing on an ordinary weekend? One professional obituary writer quoted at Literary Hub asks families, “What is something about the deceased that no one else knows, or that would surprise people?” Answers to that question tend to produce the detail that makes an obituary memorable.

Two cautions while gathering. First, verify rather than assume. The journalism-teaching site Dynamics of Writing advises doing the age math yourself (date of birth subtracted from date of death) and checking every proper noun, because family lore sometimes contains tall tales. Second, collaborate. Boxwell Brothers Funeral Directors recommends working with family members to confirm that all details are accurate, which also surfaces disagreements about disclosures now instead of after publication.

When this step is done, you should have a fact sheet where every item is either verified, marked “confirm before use,” or marked “family has not approved.” Nothing on it should be a guess.

Step 2: Draft the Opening and Set the Order

With a verified fact sheet in hand, write the opening announcement and lay out the skeleton of the rest. The observable result of this step is a complete first sentence plus an ordered list of the sections you will fill in, so that no information gets repeated or misplaced later.

Devlin Funeral Home recommends a clear structure that most published obituaries follow. Begin with the announcement of death, including the person’s name, age, and date of death. Follow with a brief overview of the life story, including important milestones, values, and accomplishments. Then name surviving family members and those who died before them, add funeral or memorial information, and close with donation instructions if the family wants them. That produces a five-part sequence:

1. Death announcement (name, age, date of death, often place of residence)
2. Life story (milestones, values, character details)
3. Family (survivors and predeceased relatives)
4. Service or memorial information
5. Optional closing (donations, thanks, or a final line)

For the announcement itself, plain language holds up best. Write that the person died. Dynamics of Writing makes the case bluntly: avoid softened phrasing, because the announcement is the factual anchor of the whole piece, and say what you know for sure. Some families prefer gentler wording, and that is their call to make, but the announcement still needs the name, age, and date stated without ambiguity.

Check the result before moving on: the opening sentence should identify the person unmistakably, and each remaining fact on your sheet should have exactly one home in the five-part sequence.

Step 3: Write the Life Story Around Specific Details

The life story is where an obituary either comes alive or collapses into a résumé. The input is your list of milestones plus the memories, routines, and sayings you gathered in Step 1. The output is a paragraph or short sequence of paragraphs that someone who knew the person would recognize immediately.

Start with the milestones that shaped the life, in rough chronological order: where the person was born and grew up, education, work, service, and the places they lived. Then move past the timeline. Devlin Funeral Home warns specifically against clichés and generic phrases: wording like “never met a stranger” or “loved by all” should be replaced with specific descriptions or anecdotes that give readers a true sense of the individual. The New Hampshire Funeral Directors Association makes the same point positively: use specific memories and anecdotes to bring the story to life, because a well-written obituary can be inspiring, heartwarming, or even humorous while still giving readers a sense of who the person truly was.

A practical technique from the writing-craft side helps here. The obituary primer at Modern Loss teaches “finding the thread,” the thing that pulled through a person’s whole life, and quotes a favorite obituary line as evidence that the thread can be small: “He liked more pepper on his eggs than most.” Small, concrete details humanize a person beyond the big facts. The same primer suggests a two-part method: list the adjectives you would use for the person, then find a specific story that shows each adjective is true. Tell with the adjectives, show with the stories.

Here is the contrast in practice. Generic: “She was a devoted grandmother who loved her family more than anything.” Specific: “Every Sunday for thirty years, she made pierogi from her mother’s handwritten recipe, and her grandchildren still argue over who folds them correctly.” Both sentences describe devotion. Only the second one describes her.

Two more craft decisions belong in this step. Keep the tone warm but factual; the goal is recognition, not tribute inflation. And treat humor as a fit question, not a requirement. Devlin Funeral Home notes that gentle humor can be appropriate when it reflects the person’s personality, as long as it stays tasteful and respectful, while Bronx Funeral Home adds that it is not necessary to go looking for a humorous angle if one does not naturally exist.

Check the result: read the life story aloud and ask whether it could describe anyone else. If it could, swap a general claim for one of the specific stories from your worksheet.

Step 4: Add Family, Service, and Closing Information

This step turns your relationship notes and service plans into the final three blocks of the draft. The input is the approved family list, any service details intended for public attendance, and any memorial or donation request the family has agreed on. The result is a set of blocks that contain no invented relationships, no unconfirmed schedules, and no disclosures the family has not approved.

For the family section, Devlin Funeral Home advises naming surviving family members and those who died before the person, written with clarity and respect, because this section is often the most emotionally charged part of the obituary. List the people the family agrees should appear, use the names and relationship terms the family actually uses, and do not assume a standard family structure. The Literary Hub interview notes that immediate family members are the definite inclusions, with less immediate relatives added as you see fit and have space for.

For the service block, ICS Cremation & Funeral Services recommends providing clear information about services, visitation, or burial: the type of gathering, the venue, the date, and the time, exactly as confirmed. Publish only details meant for public attendance.

Sensitive information deserves a deliberate decision rather than a default. Bronx Funeral Home is direct on this point: families may choose to mention the reason behind the death, but this information is optional and should be included only if all family members are on board with sharing it. Perspectives differ here. The Modern Loss primer argues there should be no shame in stating a cause of death and that readers respect the truth. Both positions agree on the mechanism: the family decides, and the writer does not disclose without agreement.

Close with any approved memorial instruction, such as a preferred charity for donations, or simply end the obituary after the service information. A closing line is optional, not expected.

When Details Are Private, Delayed, or Not Yet Scheduled

Missing or private service information does not have to stall the obituary. If the family is holding a private service, say so without publishing logistics. ICS Cremation & Funeral Services offers the workable pattern: mention that the family will hold a private ceremony at a later date. That single sentence acknowledges the service, respects the family’s boundary, and leaves readers with no false expectation of an invitation.

If services are planned but not yet scheduled, do not invent a date or venue. The Literary Hub interview suggests a practical alternative: give readers a way to access the information later, such as naming the funeral home handling arrangements so they can contact it for updates. A line such as “Service arrangements are pending and will be announced by [funeral home name]” keeps the obituary publishable now.

The same conditional logic applies to other elements people sometimes assume are mandatory. Humor belongs only where it matches the person, as Devlin Funeral Home and Bronx Funeral Home both note. Prayers, scripture, and quotes depend on the person’s beliefs and the family’s wishes, not on a template. Photos depend on the outlet; After.com points out that online obituaries allow more room for photos and storytelling than print. None of these are ingredients an obituary must contain. Each is a choice governed by the person’s personality, the family’s approval, and the publication format.

Step 5: Build a First Draft With the Template and Example

You now have every block drafted: announcement, life story, family, service, and closing. This step assembles them into one continuous first draft. The input is those blocks; the observable result is a draft with every placeholder either replaced with verified information or deleted, and no sample text accidentally left in place.

Work through the template below line by line. Where a line asks for something unknown, unapproved, or irrelevant to your situation, remove the line entirely rather than leaving a gap or a guess. The structure follows the sequence supported by ICS Cremation & Funeral Services and Devlin Funeral Home, and the example after it shows how a completed version reads.

Copy-and-Customize Obituary Template

Copy the structure below and replace each bracketed placeholder with your verified information. Every line marked (optional) can be deleted without breaking the obituary; the announcement plus at least one verified life-story or character detail form the core that makes it an obituary rather than a death notice, while the family and service (or private-service or pending) lines are included when applicable and approved.

• Announcement: [Full name, including maiden name or nickname if widely known], age [age], of [city, state/region], died on [date of death].
• Origin (optional): [He/She/They] was born on [date of birth] in [birthplace] to [parents’ names].
• Life story: [2 to 5 sentences on milestones: education, work, military service, places lived, achievements.]
• Character detail: [1 to 3 sentences with a specific memory, routine, saying, or anecdote that shows who the person was. Avoid generic phrases; use a story only this person could own.]
• Interests (optional): [Hobbies, causes, community involvement, or organizations, only as approved.]
• Family: [Name] is survived by [approved list of relationships and names]. [He/She/They] was preceded in death by [approved list]. (Delete either sentence if it does not apply.)
• Service: A [type of service] will be held at [venue] on [date] at [time]. (If private: “The family will hold a private ceremony at a later date.” If unscheduled: “Arrangements are pending and will be announced by [funeral home name].”)
• Closing (optional): In lieu of flowers, the family requests donations to [organization]. (Or a brief line of thanks, or nothing.)

No line in this template is a legal or cultural requirement. Family order, relationship terms, religious language, and disclosure decisions belong to the family, and the template should bend to those decisions rather than the reverse. When every bracket is resolved or removed, read the draft top to bottom once for flow before moving to Step 6.

Brief Completed Obituary Example

The following model, adapted from the sample structure published by ICS Cremation & Funeral Services, shows how the template reads when completed. All names, dates, and details are fictional and illustrative; nothing about its length, tone, or content is a requirement for your draft.

John David Thompson, age 72, of Gainesville, Florida, died on October 30, 2025. He was born on January 8, 1953, in Ocala, Florida, to George and Mary Thompson. John spent 34 years as a high school shop teacher, and former students still describe the birdhouses he made them build twice, “because the first one teaches you what the second one fixes.” He will be remembered for his kindness, his humor, and his dedication to his community. John is survived by his wife, Susan; his daughter, Emily; and his two grandchildren. A celebration of life will be held at ICS Cremation & Funeral Home on November 10, 2025, at 11 a.m.

Notice how the pieces map to the template: a one-sentence announcement with name, age, residence, and date; a birth line; a short life story anchored by one specific, character-revealing detail rather than a list of adjectives; a clear family sentence; and one service line with venue, date, and time. The whole obituary runs about 110 words, which suits a paid print listing. Your version can be considerably longer for an online memorial page, as the next step explains, or shorter if the family prefers a minimal notice. The structure holds at any length.

Step 6: Adapt the Draft to Its Publication Channel

The channel you publish in, not a universal word count, determines how long and detailed the obituary should be. The input for this step is your complete draft plus a decision about where it will run: a newspaper, a funeral home’s website, an online memorial platform, a social channel, or several of these. The result is a version that fits the outlet’s verified requirements.

After.com states the governing principle plainly: an obituary can be a few sentences or several paragraphs long. Print obituaries stay brief because of space and cost limits, while online obituaries allow more room for storytelling and photos. So the right question is not “how many words should an obituary be” but “what does this outlet charge, allow, and require.” Guides that quote specific word ranges disagree with one another, which is another reason to let the channel decide.

For newspapers specifically, After.com describes the practical mechanics: visit the newspaper’s website for submission guidelines, expect a form or an email submission, and be prepared for fees based on length or word count. Some newspapers work directly with funeral homes to handle the process, so ask the funeral home whether it submits on the family’s behalf. Check deadlines if publication by a specific date matters, for instance before a scheduled service.

Before editing, confirm these items with the actual outlet, because they change and vary:

• Current pricing and how it scales with length or lines
• Submission method, format, and any required form
• Deadline for your target publication date
• Photo policy and specifications
• Whether you will receive a proof before publication

With those answers in hand, trim or expand the draft to fit. The next subsection shows how to produce two versions from the same verified notes without rewriting from scratch.

Create a Compact Print Version and a Fuller Online Version

Many families publish twice: a short paid notice in a newspaper and a fuller obituary on a funeral home or memorial page. Both versions should come from the same verified fact sheet, so the facts never diverge between them.

For the compact print version, keep the elements a stranger needs and one element that makes the person recognizable: the announcement sentence, one defining detail from the life story, the survivor sentence, and the essential service line. Because After.com notes that print fees are commonly based on length or word count, every retained sentence should earn its cost. Cut in this order: extended relatives first, then secondary milestones, then optional interests, but protect the one character detail. A notice that is all logistics reads like a death notice; a single specific line, like the pepper-on-his-eggs example from the Modern Loss primer, keeps it an obituary even at minimal length.

For the fuller online version, restore what you cut and add what print could not hold: additional verified stories from your Step 1 worksheet, more family names as approved, community involvement, and photos where the platform supports them, which After.com identifies as an advantage of online publication. The addition rule is the same as the drafting rule: only verified, family-approved material, no matter how much room the platform offers.

Do not treat any fixed number as a target for either version. The compact version is done when it fits the outlet’s paid space with the core intact; the fuller version is done when it uses your approved material without padding. Confirm the exact limits with each outlet rather than relying on a general guide, including this one.

Step 7: Review, Verify, and Submit

The final step converts your channel-specific draft into one approved submission copy. The input is the draft plus the publisher requirements you confirmed in Step 6. The result is a copy the family has signed off on and a clear understanding of the outlet’s fee, deadline, format, and proof procedure.

Verification deserves more care here than in most writing, for a blunt reason Dynamics of Writing spells out: readers of an obituary are already on edge, and an error in it lands harder than an error almost anywhere else. The New Hampshire Funeral Directors Association recommends reviewing the obituary multiple times for spelling, grammar, and factual accuracy before finalizing it, and Boxwell Brothers recommends collaborating with family members to confirm all details.

Work through this verification pass in order:

1. Names: check the spelling of every proper noun, including the deceased, all relatives, venues, and organizations.
2. Dates and age: recompute the age yourself from the birth and death dates, as Dynamics of Writing advises, and confirm the service date and time against the funeral home’s confirmation.
3. Relationships: confirm the family list is complete, correctly ordered by the family’s preference, and approved by them.
4. Locations: verify the service venue name and address as the outlet will print them.
5. Disclosures: confirm that any sensitive item, especially cause of death, has explicit family agreement.
6. Spelling and grammar: do one clean read-through after all factual fixes, since corrections introduce new typos.
7. Family sign-off: circulate the final copy and get an explicit approval, not silence.

Then submit through the outlet’s current process, whether that is the newspaper’s web form or email described by After.com or the funeral home’s handled submission, and note the deadline and any proof you are entitled to review before publication.

Success Check: Is the Obituary Ready?

Before you press submit, run the draft against this readiness list. Every item should be a clear yes; any no sends you back to the relevant step rather than forward to publication.

• The opening identifies the person unmistakably (full name, plus maiden name or nickname where applicable) and states the death, age, and date accurately.
• The life story contains at least one specific, verified detail that only this person could own, not just titles and generic praise.
• The family section matches the approved list exactly, in the family’s preferred order and terms.
• The service block contains only information intended for public attendance, or the approved private or pending wording from Step 4.
• Every sensitive disclosure in the draft has explicit family agreement.
• No placeholder brackets, sample names, or template dates remain anywhere in the text.
• The version you are submitting fits the outlet’s confirmed length, format, photo, fee, and deadline requirements, and you know whether you will see a proof.
• A second person has read the final copy and approved it.

If all eight items check out, the obituary is ready. Keep a copy of the exact submitted text; if you publish a second version on another channel, start from the same verified fact sheet so the two versions never contradict each other.

Troubleshooting Common Drafting Problems

A fact is missing or uncertain. Do not guess and do not publish a hedge. Verify it with another family member or a document, following the collaboration approach Boxwell Brothers recommends, or omit the item. An obituary with a missing employer name is fine; one with a wrong employer name is not.

Relatives disagree about a disclosure or the family list. Pause that element rather than the whole obituary. For cause of death, Bronx Funeral Home sets the workable standard: include it only if all family members are on board. Where agreement cannot be reached quickly, neutral phrasing or omission keeps the obituary publishable; this guide cannot prescribe how a family should resolve a deeper dispute, only that the published text should contain nothing still contested.

Service plans are private or unsettled. Use the private-ceremony wording supported by ICS Cremation & Funeral Services, or name the funeral home readers can contact for updates, rather than committing to details that may change.

The life story reads generic. Return to the Step 1 worksheet and replace the weakest adjective with a story. One concrete routine or saying does more work than three superlatives.

The draft exceeds the outlet’s limits. Trim by channel, not by feel: cut extended relatives, secondary milestones, and optional interests first, keep the announcement, one character detail, immediate family, and service line, and move the full text to an online version where After.com notes there is more room for storytelling.